I can't watch pbs sober anymore
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
smell my finger.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
