It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
