Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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