I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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