TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
