his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
