I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
