why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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