you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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