I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
