i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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