Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
