If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
