she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
