The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
