It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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