ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
