i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
