no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
