When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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