so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
