I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
