How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
