I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
