so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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