lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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