id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
