It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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