My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
