Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
