and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
