I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
