i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
