is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
