Im at strip club and am horny
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
