I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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