She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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