his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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