I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
