Your face is a jimmy john
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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