Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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