I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
