I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
