he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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