I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
