Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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