I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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