Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
