Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
