Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
