I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
