Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
