Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
