Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
