My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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