i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
