Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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