I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
