Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
