Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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